"Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win"
6:30 AM, Bed
To believe or not to believe- that is the question.
I haven't slept a wink since yesterday. What the hell is
wrong with me? The one thing Khushi Kumari Gupta never failed to do was to get
a good night's sleep. But in the last few days I've been more inclined to
think...about certain things
... .than give my body the nocturnal rest.
The thing is when something is bothering me I think about it
to death, burry it, un-burry it, think about it some more and stop only when
the mere thought of it repulses me. This plan is usually full proof.
Except where Arnav Singh Raizada is concerned.
The more I think about him, the more confused I get and the
more confused I get, the more I think about him and then I get confused some
more. It's Catch-22.
But the peculiar thing about this never ending cycle is that
I don't exactly mind the confusion.
In fact a quite uncanny sense of excitement fills me. It's become a game- an
exciting, nail biting game- to figure out Arnav Singh Raizada. Although the
rules of our little battle royal are unclear, I seem to look forward to the
next round.
I guess it's partially because he challenges me. We
constantly want to out-do one another. At least that's how it is for me. I am
not entirely sure if he even considers me his equal combatant.
Yes he said he's interested in me.
But how?
It can mean an array of things. I am interested in you because you're a far cry compared to the
nut-crackers I hang out with. I am interested in you because I really pity your
photography skills. I am interested in you because you actually have a back
bone.
Sigh.
There I go again thinking about him. I can swear to god I
filled up the pages of this book with the same zeal before I met him. But on
reflection and looking back at my last ten entries all I can find sprawled on
every page is 'Arnav Singh Raizada'.
This is unhealthy, bordering on obsession actually, for
sure.
Do I like him?
Sure.
But how?
As an off-hand information- I got this cryptic text at 12'O
Clock in the night.
I'll pick you up at
seven.
Think. Confuse one's self. Repeat.
7:10 AM, Arnav's car.
"You're awfully quiet this morning."
I was startled out of my Let's-Figure-Arnav-Out trance by
his mildly curious voice.
"Oh, umm
... I didn't know you cared." It was an open gauntlet
and I looked sharply at him gauging his response.
His eyes didn't even flicker; they were firmly fixed on the
road. Poor boy doesn't even know what's going to hit him.
I think I finally came up with a plan. A good one.
Now to put the plan into action.
"Hey, when are you playing next?"
He was puzzled at my out-of-the-blue question.
"Tomorrow. Why?"
"So that I can come and watch you, silly." I gave him my
best flirtatious smile.
"And why do you want to watch me?" He asked his voice laced
with disbelief.
At that exact same instant I plugged in my (out-dated)mp3
player to his stereo system and fidgeted with the controls.
"What the hell are you doing? And don't think you can avoid
the question."
Oh Arnav you are making this too easy.
"I haven't avoided any question. Now tell me which one of
these knobs controls the volume?" I said my pleasant smile still in place as I
let his anger brew. Go on Arnav, I dare you to lose control. And he didn't
disappoint. His hand shout out grabbing mine, pulling it away from the gadget.
I gave him a perfectly aimed mildly surprised look, which
riled him up further. His eyes darkened and his other hand on the steering
wheel clenched.
I lifted out entwined hands a little and brought it up to my
eye level.
"You have really long fingers Arnav." I stressed on the
'long' and rolled out the 'R' in his name. If he was drinking something I am
pretty sure he would be coughing and choking it out by now.
"What?" He asked again, his fingers loosened a bit and I
quickly took my hand away. I don't think he even knew what he was asking any
more.
I cleared my throat a bit to indicate his hand which was
still suspended in mid air. His eyes quickly snapped back to the road and he
snatched his hands away.
And that wasn't even the main course. Poor baby.
I let the silence prolong for some more time just watching
blurry the scenery outside. After all it was only a matter of time before his
frustration got the better of him.
"You haven't answered the question." He bit out, refusing to
look at me.
I reached out the third knob on the right, figuring that was
the volume one. I am pretty sure I saw fumes come out of his ears. But before
he could pounce on me I said,
"It because I am interested in you."
Then I turned up the volume to 100% and let my favourite
rock band take over the car. Suffice to say he couldn't get a word out.
All fair in love, war and whatever effed up game we're
playing.
8:45 AM, Creative
Writing.
I guess my plan wasn't as successful as I thought it was. I
mean he didn't even try to do anything during tutoring. He spent the entire
time just
... well tutoring me. Alright I guess I am thankful I finally know the
difference between a manual focus and a dog but still
... .Nothing?
Not that it bothers me that he didn't do anything, quite the
opposite in fact. I am relieved. That's right I am totally cool with it. Beyond
cool. I am a -100*C.
9:45 AM, Political
Science.
So what if she was standing too close to him? So what if he
had his arms draped around her listening to what she had to say, smiling? He
can do whatever the hell he wants.
Humph.
12:30, Lunch
"Hey Priya." I greeted as we took our spot outside on the
grass. She in turn gave me a pointed look.
"What?" I asked as she rolled her eyes.
"Aren't you going to fill me in on your romantic escapades
with the mighty ASR?"
Trust Priya to put it the bluntest way possible.
"On second thoughts if it's 'R' rated I'd rather not hear
about." She was now smiling at me. Then I guess I must blushed because she then
said,
"Oh my, that bad? What did you guys do? Kiss? Or wait
... . have
sex in the tennis courts?"
"Priya." I scream-whispered. "People can hear you."
"Honey people already think much worse."
Now it was my turn to look at her pointedly.
"Oh please that little stunt in the tennis courts everyone heard about it
... .He just claimed
you
... .."
And cue blush-till-I-faint.
"Not really
... " I muttered under my breath.
Her teasing smile dropped and she wrapped a comforting arm
around my shoulders.
"Hey
... Khushi
... It's okay...It'll blow over in a few days
... Au
contraire to popular belief this college does not revolve around Arnav
... ..very
much to his dismay I am sure" She said; instantly lightening up the mood.
I gave a reassuring smile telling her all's well.
"So go on drama queen fill me in
... " She continued while
messing up my hair before moving away.
"Hey
... " But my response was cut short when I was pushed from
behind. The sudden jerk caused Priya to rise in alarm and then me as well.
We were surrounded, as in under attack by the multitude of
flashy colours in front of us. I put my hands in front of my face and
dramatically said,
"Oh Priya save me my eyes can't take it anymore
... "
Encircling us was Her Bitchiness Lavanya and The Trusted Minions.
But surprisingly enough she didn't even send me an evil glare. Instead she sent
me a lazy smile almost as if mocking.
"So Priya how are you?" She asked completely ignoring me.
"Haven't heard from you in awhile."
"Hey La, yeah I am fine. But what's with the sabotage?"
Priya asked indicating the human circle around us.
"Oh these girls? I don't know half of them, they just follow
me around." She laughed freely.
"Why exactly are you talking to us?" Go Priya! She cut short
her laughter.
"Can't a girl talk to her best friend's sister?" She still
put on an unreadable expression. Then she gave a nonchalant shrug and
continued,
"Aanch mentioned something about a mid-sem project work that
needed head starting?" Yep that's right I am just an invisible wall here. "Call
me today and I'll give you pointers."
After my prolonged silence and an agape expression from
Priya, she gave us a slight smile and walked off.
But then turned back at the last second as if remembering
something.
"Oh Chamkilie, ASR won't be available tomorrow for your
tutoring, he has a match."
Oh-kaay???
"Don't ask me, I have no idea what just happened." Priya
said as I looked at her.
Who on earth is this Lavanya? I really can't deal with more
complicated people. One is more than enough.
1:10 PM, History
He thinks he won this round. Let him live in that delusion
because I will win the war. Jerk. After our rather strange run in with Lavanya,
Priya and I walked our separate ways.
I was randomly pondering about the topic for my story when a
hand roughly grabbed me, pulled me into a class room and pushed me against the
locked door. I was sure I was going to be raped so I prepared to scream but a
husky 'shhh' stopped me. My heat started pounding against my rib-cage and my
knees nearly gave out as my down cast eyes met melting chocolaty ones.
"Tut Tut Khushi
... . if you scream people will assume we are
doing things we ought not to be doing
... " His voice was barely above a whisper
and his lips were dangerously close to mine.
"Wha
... What
... "
"Shhh
... " He said again placing his finger on my lips. My eyes
widened and blood rushed to my cheeks. Then a devilish smirk lined his face.
"Do you really think you own me little girl?" His fingers
were slighting brushing my lower lips as if urging me to release it from caged
teeth. I released my lips but my lips remained parted under his finger.
"You know I could do anything to you right now and you would
not object
... "
I was willing my brain to jumpstart but it was impossible
under his steady gaze and grazing fingers.
"No I won't
... " I finally said in a raspy voice.
"Oh really? Is that a challenge?"
"Say if I were to kiss you right now what will you do?" His
lips were so close that if he had spoken more they would have surly brushed
against mine.
Then he moved sideways so that his mouth was in level with
my ears. I was sure I was going to faint.
"Did you know that when you blush it goes beyond your cheeks
and all the way to your neck?"
What the hell was he trying to prove? I was suddenly clammy
and stuffed so I squirmed under his hold.
"You want me to let go?"
I guess I must have made a noise of protest as he removed
his hold and moved away, his hands tugging at his hair. I slumped against the
door and breathed deeply. He smiled smugly at my reaction.
I racked my brain urging it to give some sort of a response.
But all I could think about was the man in front of me.
Then I turned back unlocked the door and bolted from the
spot.
I needed to think but that was impossible with him standing
close to me, plus I had class.
I have no idea what he was trying to do.Is he interested in
me? Or is it just the challenge? This thing is spiralling way out of control. I
need to place boundaries. What have I gotten myself into? It's like he's put a
spell on me. He had no problem talking and flirting with Lavanya this morning.
Is this how he treats all girls? And I still don't know what this issue with
Shyam is. Is he leading me on? Do I want to be led on? Is he even attracted to
me or does he simply do it to rile me up? I don't even know if he has a girlfriend
for God's sake. He could be a lying, cheating, serial killer for all I know. So
the guy tutors me... but so what?
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